Welcome to the How to Forgive course information page.

Within a spiritual-but-not-religious framework, How to Forgive is a six-week online course that proposes a new understanding of forgiveness that is supported by a clear and practical path.

Forgiveness is widely understood as one’s ability to pardon, let go, cease anger, and have compassion. While all of these abilities are much needed in the world, when the circumstances were strong, many people find them difficult, if not impossible, to do.

How to Forgive gets beneath these mainstream understandings and teaches forgiveness as a spiritual process that restores peace. From this perspective, pardoning, ceasing anger, having compassion, and letting go, all become natural outcomes of forgiveness.

At its essence, forgiveness is a person’s ability to apply unconditional love and the ability to identify exactly what needs it. When these two skills are practiced over a consistent period of time, freedom prevails.

Perhaps you have noticed many people find forgiveness challenging. Despite hearing that forgiveness is how to let go of the past, there is a lot of ambivalence about doing it, skepticism that it will work, debate that it’s even a healthy thing to do, and unawareness about how to actually do it.

This was me prior to 2012.

Hi, I am Dara McKinley.  I reluctantly came to the forgiveness path after experiencing a relationship rupture that left me awash in confusion and disbelief. Previous to this experience I had spent my entire adult life working in human services, however, despite my professional knowledge and skills, I lived with a chronic feeling of resentment.

A good friend kept nudging me toward forgiveness but I was dismissive. Eventually at the age of 41, a convergence of difficult and auspicious life events pushed me to figure out the structure of forgiveness. Three weeks later I was filled with a peace I hadn’t felt in three years. I was wow’d.

Over the following decade I devoted myself to researching this amazing thing that freed me. I examined forgiveness’ nuances, tested it against a multitude of challenges, contemplated popular understanding, and most of all, I studied how it actually worked.

Today, I clearly see why this widespread spiritual concept slips through the hands of most. I see why forgiveness is misunderstood and mistrusted. I see why so many believe it is the hardest thing a person can do.

For these reasons and many more, I am passionate about bringing a dogma-free, user-friendly, and highly effective forgiveness path, to all who desire it.

Click here to learn more about me and my journey.

The Three Time Frames of Forgiveness

There are three time frames forgiveness can address: episodic, enduring and epoch.

1. The episodic time frame is a challenge that can be described as an “incident” or “episode” and aside from lingering feelings, the circumstances are in the past. Some general examples include: a regretted decision, an accident, a difficult relationship ending, an unexpected loss, a betrayal. To learn more about this time frame, click here to watch a short video.

2. The enduring time frame is a challenge that exists in one’s daily life. Some general examples include: an illness, co-parenting with a difficult ex, an oppressive boss, a difficult relationship that a person can’t leave, addictions, oppressive systems, and grief. To learn more about this time frame, click here to watch a short video.

3. The epoch time frame is a challenge that occurred over a long period of time. It includes childhoods, familial relationships, ancestral legacies, and any circumstance or relationship that was long-lasting. Though forgiving an epoch time frame seems daunting, it is 100% forgivable.To learn more about this time frame, click here to watch a short video.

Do you have something to forgive?

1. Do you think about something from the past much more than you would like?

2. On the flip side, do you make a strong effort to avoid something from your past?

3. Have you done a lot of work in therapy but you still have strong feelings about something in the past?

4. Does your body wince/cringe/contract when you recall specific memories/events?

5. Is there a past issue that still creates chronic stress?

6. Do you find yourself with a strong need to talk about something from the past?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you likely have something to forgive.

FAQ

I would like to do your course but I am traveling during the course dates. Could I still do it while traveling?

It is best to wait until you have time and space in your schedule as learning how to forgive is most effective when you have the mental and emotional bandwidth to focus on it.

Courses are offered three times a year. If you are unable to take this course now, subscribe below and you will be notified when registration opens for the next course.

I would like to forgive myself. Does this course work for self-forgiveness also?

Yes, the process taught in this course works for self-forgiveness.

Can forgiveness help with trauma?

It depends on the severity of the trauma. Trauma occurs when too much happens too fast/too often, resulting in a dysregulated nervous system that can create a wide variety of challenging symptoms and coping mechanisms.

When symptoms are strong/impeding one’s quality of life, professional help is best. There is a lot to read about trauma online and many informative books. Popular trauma-centered healing modalities include: EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, MDMA Therapy, Cranial-Sacral Therapy, and NLP with a licensed clinical psychologist.

When trauma is mild to moderate, which is not uncommon with most strong life challenges, forgiveness can be beneficial.

Always consult with a medical/psychological professional after experiencing strong circumstances that may have dysregulated your nervous system/created trauma in your body.

You mention ancestral trauma in your time frames video, how does forgiveness help with that?

Ancestral trauma, also known as intergenerational trauma, are physical, mental, behavioral, and emotional patterns inherited within a familial/cultural legacy that oppress in a variety of ways.

When a person is in a stable place, forgiveness can benefit ancestral trauma. If someone is experiencing acute symptoms of ancestral trauma, professional help is recommended. Please see resources in above question.

Something really intense just happened to me, could forgiveness help?

Forgiveness is always supportive, however it is challenging to learn when experiencing strong emotions/circumstances. I recommend getting support from friends/family/healing professionals and processing what happened first.

I am very religious, could I still take your course?

If you are open to universal spiritual perspectives, then you will benefit from How to Forgive.

What if you can’t decide what to forgive?

In Week 1, you will do an exercise that will clarify what to forgive first.

What exactly is the “Restored and Whole” live zoom call?

Strong challenges often leave a mark in the body which can feel like a hole, blockage, and/or chronic tension. These calls guide participants through somatic exercises aimed at replenishing these physical areas and allowing energy to circulate. 

Your course is six weeks, does it really take six-weeks to forgive something?

It doesn’t take six-weeks to forgive something, but it does take six weeks to learn the specific steps and gain proficiency.

Have another question? Please email team@howtoforgive.com